May 24th 2010 - Trial and Error

A lot of life is trial and error. Like the child learning to ride a bike and falling, in the course of learning our life lessons, we make a lot of mistakes. We form relationships with people that hurt us. We get employed in dead-end jobs. We pick the worst item off the menu in a great restaurant, and suffer through our meal as everyone else at the table is moaning in delight.

Most children that fall from their bikes cry for a minute or two, and then get back on. Next time, they try to do something a little differently, like pedaling a little faster, slightly shifting their balance or maybe reverting back to the training wheels for a bit. With a few spills under their belts and a bit of tinkering, eventually they are riding like champs. I've never heard of a child who got on a bike without training wheels and was able to stay on the first time. I've, also, never seen an adult riding with training wheels, so I guess we mostly have the resolve to get through that trial.

The thing is, as adults, we start to expect that we should be making all the right choices instantly and performing every new task without error. We not only expect this of ourselves, but we expect it of others. When we fail, we tend to beat up on ourselves and each other. We become embarrased, and often cover up our mistakes, so no one else will see our vulnerability. Part of the reason we do that is because we are afraid of others' reactions. It's OK for friends and acquaintances to laugh at each other in good fun, but we have to be careful of not going too far. Insecure people make others feel badly about their mistakes, in order to temporarily relieve their insecure feelings about themselves. This can be damaging to both parties. It can create insecurity in the target and creates unrealistic self-expectations in the critic, that will feed that person's insecurity the next time he or she fails at something. And he or she will fail at something. Do you really think that anyone exists that does not make mistakes?

It is said that Thomas Edison tried about 1000 different materials for the filament in the light bulb before he found one that worked. Sounds a lot like the kid falling off the bike, doesn't it? Not only do I think it is OK to make mistakes, I think that we are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. The trial and error process is a vital part of life. It makes life interesting. It keeps us in suspense.

I think it's healthier to laugh at our own mistakes, than to brood over them. Some people even enjoy the process of making mistakes, because they know that every mistake gets them closer to success. Life has its ups and downs. In my opinion, the most successful person is the one who can smile through a down cycle. It's one of the hardest skills to attain, not because it is any harder than learning to ride a bike, but because there are very few role models and because, for some odd reason, people don't consider it as crucial as learning to ride a bike.

Keep Smiling,
Alan