January 9th 2010 - The Teachers

A few weeks ago, I was doing inventory in our store, and one of the ladies that works with us was putting some merchandise away in a nearby drawer. I was looking around the store at all of the shelves and drawers and hooks full of merchandise and I said to her, "Do you ever wonder how we do all this?" She said to me something like, "Especially when you consider the difficult people." I thought to reply, "You mean the customers?" but what came out of my mouth was:

"You mean the Teachers?"

As I uttered those words, I was bewildered. I asked myself, "Teachers? Where did that come from?" Then I realized that there was something more to it. They ARE Teachers. The difficult people, I mean. They are here to teach us how to live.

Life is not made in the easy moments. Those aren't the ones you remember decades later. We remember the challenges we withstood. We remember the tough decisions we made that changed our lives (or sometimes the tough decisions we avoided, leaving our lives stagnant). We remember the moments when we realized we had grown, when we reacted differently, when we were strong and able to react with courage to what we previously feared.

Sometimes tough customers come into our lives to put the pressure on, carrying with them the recipe for creating those defining moments that we'll remember forever. They push our buttons, to show us that those buttons are still there. They make us angry, to give us the opportunity to resolve our anger. They take from us without giving back what we expect, to show us that we haven't learned the art of unconditional sharing. They irritate us by criticizing our actions or by pointing out our shortfalls. This can either be to help us rise above or to realize that we are the only true judges of ourselves, and we need not be swayed by others' opinions. They may treat us without dignity, just to give us the opportunity to walk away, or to be strong enough to tell them that they are out of line and not to accept their behavior.

Nobody is in this world just to be a jerk. Jerks are here to jerk you into your rightful place, to wake you from your sleep. Anyone can be nice to you, and tell you how great you are. That's easy. It's the jerks who are going to mold you into a stronger being. The jerks are the best teachers.

And they usually come at the perfect time. We only get handed as much as we can handle. Just when we think we are strongest, the biggest jerk we've ever met will come and tell us we are nobody. Then we'll see how strong we are.

The next time somebody treats you with disrespect, rubs you the wrong way or tests your patience, figure out what they've come to teach you. That person did not arrive just to spoil your day. That person came to teach you about life, and to show you where your strengths and weaknesses are. Knowing that, can you treat the situation differently? Can you learn the lesson, instead of reacting the same way you always have?

Anybody can get angry and tell somebody off. That's the easy route. Sometimes that may be the appropriate response. If you are one who usually lets people walk all over you, it may be time to stand up for yourself. If you're someone who easily gets pissed off and enjoys telling people where to stick it, that's probably not the lesson, though. Can you step into the offender's shoes for a moment and feel how they feel? Can you feel someone else's pain? Can you realize that it is your own pain that is causing your weakened response?

Forever Learning,
Alan